whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
