I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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