Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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