Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
