it hurts more in the daytime
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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