Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
