batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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