if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
