i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
