We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
