I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
