you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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