i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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