Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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