My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
