Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize