either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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