Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i will never coherently bang her
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
