how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
