I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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