i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
