We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
