Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pants are for mortals
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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