I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize