Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
