Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
