Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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