My liver just broke up with me...
4 words: hood of his car
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
