Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
