Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
