i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
