we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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