he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
