Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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