Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
