Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
