I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
