your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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