the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
nutella sex= disaster
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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