I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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