i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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