So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
