goodnight i made you a song goodbye
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
