Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
