I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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