do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
