Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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