Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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