Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
