dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
