you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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