It's like God shit irony all over that family
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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