You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
