i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
