so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
