Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
