I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And then he peed in my hair
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