Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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