it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
