i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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