Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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