Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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