I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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