Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I want to be your penis for a week.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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