I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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