6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
