Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
