I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
