I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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